Fort Campbell, KY – Service members, families, hospital staff, and members of the community gathered outside Blanchfield Army Community Hospital (BACH) on October 20th, 2023, for the annual Footprints on Our Hearts remembrance held in conjunction with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
The annual remembrance ceremony, sponsored by the hospital’s perinatal bereavement nurses and chaplain, is for military families who have lost a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, intrauterine fetal demise, stillbirth, or infant death.
“We are here to offer our unwavering support to our military families who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. Our team is dedicated to walking with you every step of the way,” said Blanchfield Commander Col. Sam Preston, during his opening comments to the record crowd.
Nationwide, as many as 10 to 15 percent of confirmed pregnancies are lost, according to figures provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office on Women’s Health. This includes miscarriage, which is a pregnancy loss that occurs before 20 weeks of pregnancy, and stillbirth, which is a pregnancy loss after 20 weeks of pregnancy
Sudden unexpected infant death is an unexpected death of a baby that is less than 12 months old, when the cause is not immediately obvious. According to CDC.gov, 3,400 sudden unexpected infant deaths occur in the U.S. annually.
“Most of us don’t ever contemplate that this loss can happen to us. That our pregnancy can end in miscarriage. That some babies and infants die. The heartbreak is complicated and may involve the loss of our own hopes and dreams with them and for them,” said Certified Nurse Midwife and Chief of the hospital’s Department of Women’s Health, Lt. Col. Laurey Tyson, during her remarks at the remembrance.
BACH Nurse, Lt. Col. Mari Groebner, who served as the guest speaker shared her personal experience with pregnancy loss and echoed Tyson’s comments. Groebner was already the mother to one son and excited to be expecting twins when something went wrong with her pregnancy.
“In many cases when you find out you’re pregnant you have so many dreams. You tell your husband, you tell your mom, you bring in all your best friends. From the minute you find out you’re pregnant, you may be thinking about if it is a boy, a girl. You think about what you need to do to prepare, like blankets, a crib, clothes. It is amazing how quickly your pregnant mind changes to adjust to this. You’ve already got dreams for this baby, and it is double for twins,” said Groebner.
After experiencing some bleeding during her pregnancy, she went to see her doctor and learned she lost one of the twins and the prognosis for the other wasn’t good.
“They took me back to sonogram and they looked at the twins and told me that I had lost one of them. And your heart just breaks. All those dreams go out in an instant,” said Groebner.
Her first instinct was to call her husband who was active-duty military at the time, but he was in the field.
“He was the support that I needed at that time, and he wasn’t there,” said Groebner, describing a scenario not uncommon, at times, for military families.
“Eventually my husband came home, but he was hurt, and he was grieving too. He had to adjust in his mind, those plans he was making for being a family of five,” Groebner shared, noting that it is important to remember that fathers grieve too.
“The one thing we forget is that we are not grieving alone. We have parents to be, grandparents to be, we have a spouse, and they all feel grief. You may have other children and you have to tell them that they are not going to have a brother or sister now. Somehow you have to figure all that out as you yourself are going through it. That is why you have to lean on the people around you to help you go through it,” said Groebner, gesturing to the other participants at the ceremony.
Patients may speak with their medical provider who can evaluate the patient’s needs or concerns and connect them with the appropriate level of care.
Military chaplains may also provide one-to-one and couples counseling; and members of the perinatal bereavement support group are affiliated with additional support groups in the community.
“Sometimes it is not easy,” said Groebner. Ultimately, she was able to carry the second twin, daughter Jessica, to term, and later had another child, but said she will always remember her other baby. “If you take a look around you, you can see that there are others who shared in something similar who are here to help support you and it is important to take advantage of resources available to help cope.”
